I had it all written up.
And I wanted to share my moments, my anger and my precious time I spent with my Grandma, but I did not want to depress anyone right now. Needless to say, it was a precious time and I would not change a single moment of it. I got to do things for my Grandma, that I haven't gotten to do in years. Do you know that she wore the same fingernail polish that I put on her the day before she went into the hospital, she still had it on at the visitation and her funeral? I thought for sure they would take it off but they didn't. I know a part of me went with her. I also put on her friendship bracelet that my little cousin made for her. I found it ironic the oldest Granddaughter (myself) put on that bracelet from the youngest Granddaughter. I told my Grandma, that it was closest to her heart. She was so happy to see my little cousin.
I truly miss my Grandma more than anything, and everyday I find something that I should of done or something I forgot to do for her. And I am beating myself up for NOT doing them. How sad is that? I wish things were different, and that I could have spent more time with her. But with her being on chemo and her immune system being really low, my Mom was very overprotective of her and our visits were limited. But also very understandable. So now, I have to live with this and only make my life better and be more positive.