U Gotta Be Kiddin Me

Woke up to rain this morning and its starting again. I've been on twitter, I'm not one for talking a whole lot...I tend to shy away unless its something that strikes a note. Half the time on their, reading all the celebrity people who really knows if its them or not? And I don't want to be a obessed fan and asking all kinds of silly questions. I will never be a celebrity, even though in my teens I sure wanted too but have seen even famous people go thru rough times. Sometimes they come out on top, sometimes they don't. I live my life with my Son and do the best I can. I don't ask for awhole lot but manage to live for what's been given to me. I am at a happy place right now. I think my teenage dreams have come full circle. Yes I will talk about it again, but seeing my teenage dream in concert the other night it was honestly like a dream. Here I was standing in awe, seeing someone in person. And seeing the one person, whom I found to be very shy and still is...on stage. He had suffered panic attacks and I remember him being on Oprah and watching him suffer thru this pain. I've seen that fear before, and it touched me so deeply, that I hurt for him. Even though I've never met nor will I ever meet him but felt his fear burn a hole thru my soul. Its something you can't describe. I don't like crowds, I don't like stop signs, I don't like merging onto busy roads, I don't like Walmart on the weekends, and most of all...I have a fear of driving when the lane ends and people try to run you off the road. I am not a confrontational person, I have always been a wallflower and tend to sit back at parties. I guess you can say, I have lived a laid back kind of life. The only excitement I get, is ...I don't know. I guess I need to start huh? I guess when my basement flooded a few years back and I lost most of my sentimental items especially my NKOTB stuff, as I realized the other night at the concert...I had stuff, some pins, posters, books, a full body flag of one of the guys....it hit me that I had no part of my teenage years at the concert like 99% of the other people. Talk about a timewarp...but came to grips that it was all I needed was to just be there. My life had come full circle at that moment. As my Boyfriend said, I guess its time to grow up...I told him. I didn't want too. I wanted to live in that moment forever. It will be forever in my heart though.