U Gotta Be Kiddin Me

I am frankly getting tired of people around me passing away. Right now as I am typing this, my Ex. Step Mother In Law is in the hospital on Life Support. According to my Ex Sister in law, its not looking good. I am supposed to head to Rockford tomorrow but who knows. Its going to tear me apart if she passes away before I can see her and let her know that its alright, there are no hard feelings whatsoever between us and that she is loved. Because her life hasn’t been so easy. And if it does happen that the last thoughts and voices she hears is full of love. Its only fair. I will find out here soon on when I will be going.

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Of how Beijing is handling the Olympics. Its funny how that country is fighting to be “SO PERFECT”. Well with what has happened, I am ashamed of that country. Especially since the little girl that sang the song or whatever, well she didn’t sing it. She lip-synched it. The little girl that did sing wasn’t pretty enough. How low is that? How low can a country get by being discriminating and putting that precious little girl down like that? And what is this about how the opening ceremony was digitaly enhanced? WTF? Are we sure that the “Birds Nest” is real? How do we know that the scores aren’t being jacked with? I was watching the gymnastics tonight, and saw many flaws in the China’s performance and they didn’t dock their points. BOY when it was USAs turn. You betcha. Hmmm. Seems like a conspiracy to me.

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Just last night I was watching a movie…”It Could Happen To You!”. You know the one with Nicolas Cage, Rosie Perez and Bridgette Fonda? And the narator Isaac Hayes as Angel Dupree. And when I signed onto the computer, that Isaac Hayes had passed away. Oh My Gosh. He had a very distinct voice. My Heart goes out to his family right now, along with the family of Bernie Mac.

They say…deaths usually go in 3’s. I am wondering who’s next? Please don’t let it be someone in my family. I don’t think I could honestly handle anymore deaths.

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Are people who know in their minds that they are talking shit about others behind protected posts or hiding their profiles from people. Obviously those people have one of two issues. Either A..your a fake and you talk shit about others because it makes you feel good and you have shit to hide. Or B.. Truly personal stuff is happening and its too personal for strangers to read, BUT not talking about others online.

I have seen one person in particular who hides behind her protected posts. Not only has she started trouble with others but with close friends of mine. And I caught her in a lie on a forum a couple years back. Not only did she block me, she threatened me. Because I caught her in a lie. She has done this numerous times. So in my mind…SHE IS A FAKE. She is so two faced its absolutely sickening. People like that, do not belong online as these are the types of people who end up being threatened in the end and killing others.

No ONE is perfect, this person thinks she is. Low and behold…she is far from perfect. I can only hope and pray for mercy on her soul, that she changes her ways because talking shit behind protected doors…..isn’t always what it seems to be.

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Life is too short and to have something or someone taken away from you in such a tragic manner. I am grieving for the family as it has touched me deeply. And its still affecting me.

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Last Night I had a crazy dream
Wish was granted just for me,
It could be for anything
I didn’t ask for money, or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished for one more day with you

One more day, One more time
One more sunset maybe I’d be satisfied
But then again; I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

[Oh one more day]

First thing I’d do is pray for time to crawl
I’d unplug the telephone, and keep the TV off
I’d hold you every second, say a million I Love You’s
Thats what I’d do, with one more day with you

One more day, One more time
One more sunset maybe I’d be satisfied
But then again; I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

One more day, One more time
One more sunset maybe I’d be satisfied
But then again; I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day….
Leave me wishing still, for one more day….
Leave me wishing still, for one more day….
With you

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I have been thinking alot about going back to school, I really would love to finish my schooling.  I miss it, I miss the challenge of learning.  I know we are constantly learning.  I have a student loan that I would need to finish paying off then I can go back.  I also thought about taking some online college courses thinking maybe that would be easier. Since my Son’s school is farther away, its not something he can just walk home too. Its a distance. So need to think about it, then decide when would be a good time to finish the classes I am interested in. I want to learn more about computers and just enjoy the learning aspect of it. I guess I just feel the loss of the challenge of learning. I had such a hard time growing up learning, that its something that interests me now.

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Over four years ago, I was touched and knew of someone who decided to take their own life.   When I rec’d the call that the person I knew, had hung himself it stopped me in my tracks.  I did not know his reason nor will I ever know.  Because this person had such a outlook on life, very active in sports, and took excellent care of his body and health.  It was my Sister that called me that fateful while shopping at a dept. store.  I lost my breath and started crying.  I immediately wanted to know why?  I had so many questions but no one to ask them too.  Because HE was the only person I knew.  I never made it to him visitation.   I did however drive by.  I stopped.  But I had to keep going.  I knew if I looked back I would have several questions. 

Now, today.  I had to attend a visitation.  It was a friend of a friend.  I do not know the reason or the whys but he also chose to end his short life.   He had a wonderful wife and a Son.  Whom adored his Father.  I simply do not understand why he would chose to leave what loved him the most.  Why he would leave his family to fend for themselves in this evil world.  Why have the ones hurt so bad for the loss? 

When we walked in, it was a surreal scene.  I only knew of a few people.  I found the Wife, and waited til’ she came out of the restroom as I knew, just knew why she went in there.  When she emerged, I went up to her and gave her a hug.  I didn’t say anything.  I couldn’t.  There isn’t anything I can say to make her feel any better as I do not know the whole reason why this happened to her.   So just being there for her and giving her a hug, was all that I could do for her.  I feel so sad for her.  I feel the pain for her.  And tonight when my Boyfriend left, I told him that I am the luckiest person right now.  And I need to cherish this time because you just never know what tomorrow may bring.

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Tired of shit, tired of people, tired of alot of things right now.  I feel like anything I do…DOESN’T MATTER.  I don’t feel like talking, I feel like screaming.    And it won’t be nice.  I am extremely moody right now.

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