You know what?
I simply refuse to watch a certain movie, and that movie is The Perfect Storm. It takes me back to when I was married. It reminds me of how I failed in my marriage. It hurts to watch it. Because for one, my Ex Husband never really loved me like I wanted him too. And it still hurts to this day. Cause I see that I wasted so much of my life with him. Only wanting one thing from him. That was love. Little did I know what Love really was. Seriously. little did I know. Like right now, I am sitting here in tears still. I actually cried outloud..hoping I didn't wake my Son...lol. How sad am I right now?
This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 11th, 2008 at 11:02 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
11:19 am on June 12th, 2008
I do so know what you mean. I was married for 20 years waiting for that love from mine too. Guess that was one reason why I waited so long but it dawned on me that he probably had no idea what I was wanting, waiting for.
At the end, I felt like I had wasted all that time, 20 years of my life!!!, right after we separated. The divorce was two years later because he wasn’t going to get it, didn’t want to pay for it and it took me that long to save for it.
But here’s the thing. When I made up my mind that I was not going to be victimized again by him through all the sad stuff I could think of, I got a whole lot happier. Like for instance, all those annoying things that we fought about? Gone because he is!! I love it!!! My life is my own again.
When I decided that and that I could quit “looking for love in all the wrong places” (we all do it, don’t we), it really wasn’t that long before I found the true love of my life, my husband of almost 13 years. He is everything the other guy was not. Oh, I had times when I was really lonely bnh (before new husband) but they pass…quickly if you don’t dwell on it. And now I could not be happier with my man.
The other side of the story is that the ex is in a hospital in Iowa with throat cancer and going to die because they say it’s not operable. All I can do is feel sorry for him because his attitude has not changed one bit. I know that because my daughter is the one that now has to deal with him. She can handle it but it takes a toll on her too. I live too far away to help…and I would. I pray for him and hope that he will be able to see what he does to people before he dies.
But my life is so much better. It was even before the new husband came along. Yours will be too when you see it from the angle that you no longer have to fight or do any of those things that were what broke the marriage up in the first place. I had one fleeting time when I thought about getting back together. It was about ten minutes one time when I was so lonely. BUT, when I reminded myself of the pain and problems, that was that!! I have not looked back since!!! Take heart. You will get there too!!!
By the way, it might just have happened to me but just below where there is supposed to be a button graphic that says “Submit” or something like that..is missing. I found it by highlighting the area. That’s how it got submitted but….nobody could actually see it. Dunno if it’s just when I loaded it.
Jaz’s last blog post..Continuing Pain At The Pump