U Gotta Be Kiddin Me

Its been a rainy morning here and the rain coat I was wearing at work had a broken button. Well, I ended up soaked from the waist up. So I decided to come home and change. Well, my pants were soaked as well. I threw it all in the dryer to dry. So while I am waiting I ate real quick but I am freezing my a$$ off. Literally freezing. I am wrapped up in a comforter and the knitted blanket my Mom made for me. Half tempted to turn the heat on for a little bit. Don’t know if I am going to make it back to work. My nose won’t stop running, I will probably end up with a cold now. Oh and I have to take my Son to his Father’s tonight well this afternoon. They are leaving to go camping up in Waterloo just as soon as I get there. I hate being pressed for time….I really do.

I can’t say it enough. I think my iron level is quite low. I sat here and almost fell asleep on the couch. I am still fighting the sleep. I am thinking of taking a 15 minute nap. I am still in a bitchy mood, so I am really not up to talking to anyone at all.

When I am up late at night and see all these commercials about people who have taken certain types of medicine or have been exposed to certain things, and especially the one about mesothelioma it really scares me. I keep thinking about the people who are affected, how ther quality of life really is. And how grateful I am that I am pretty much healthy.

And some people just nit pick about their lives and how sick they are constantly. Makes you think if your affected with something or is it in your head? 99% of the time people really are sick. But there is always that 1% that just gets under your skin. I hope that I never get sick, but who am I to hope and pray that I don’t get sick. Life can be tricky.

I have PCOS, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I have suffered with this now for over a year. I have Very irregular periods. Excuse me if this is too graphic but I feel NO ONE LISTENS to me. My last couple of months have been very light. So I didn’t think anything of it yesterday when I noticed I was about to start. So this morning, started out very strange. I felt a strange sensation. I got up ran to the bathroom. It was not a nice site. I started cramping. I started feeling lightheaded. I didn’t feel right. I felt very tired. I then get the urge to go to the bathroom again. And it looked like something was murdered in the toilet bowl. I honestly didn’t know what to do. I had to change clothes. Here I am thinking about the truck we were to get in at work today and how the hell am I supposed to do that. I couldn’t get dressed let alone go to work today.

So my boyfriend tells me, that I was in no shape to work this morning. He must of seen something in my eyes. I called into work, crying my eyes out. I managed to run to the store, buy some Midol and some chocolate…comfort food and come back home and laid down. I set my alarm to be able to pick my Son up from school. But then again…why set it when everyone and their Mother call me.

I understand that we all have bad days and all. Trust me I do. I frankly remember a time, not too long ago when I needed someone and NO ONE was there for me. But will I bring that up…NOOOOO. So, I just wanted to make myself clear and that nobody is perfect. I have been putting up with way too much crap lately and maybe people will start wondering why I won’t answer phone calls anymore. I am in too bitchy of a mood to frankly put up with anybody….and when I say anybody…I mean anybody. I simply cannot handle my emotions, my body or what havoc it puts me thru. I wish people would seriously stop trying to make me feel bad for something that is not in our control. I am done. I am done. I am an adult. I want to live and love my life to the fullest. And there is only ONE of me.

If anyone is going to be mad at me….think twice. I am a tad bit moody right now. And I am ready to argue.

Truly, seriously…this time of the month isn’t exactly the best times. I get really emotional. I start to think about things and I really dislike the things I think about.

Watching the news, a local gentleman is fighting stomach cancer and he has decided to leave a legacy for his future grandkids and his daughters. I sat there and just started crying. For the life of me…why? I thought about, What If? What If my Grandpa had left a living legacy, something to remember him by. What if he left us a part of him to see how Great he was, instead of just hearing it. What if he could of left us Grandkids a message, just to see and hear his voice.

Life isn’t fair, life gives us these tests in life to see how strong we really are. Losing my Grandpa at such a young age, left me with alot of questions. Why was it fair to lose him? Why did God have to take him away from us? Is there really a God? Are we being punished? Did I do something wrong to deserve this?

These are questions I dealt with after he passed. And watching the news tonight, really brought back the tears. Gosh, I hate being so flippin’ emotional….

I knew today would be extremely busy at work as we are to get a huge truckload tomorrow. It seems over the weekend we got bought out. Our greenhouse is empty AGAIN. It seems for some reason…that on the Sunny Nice Days. People come out in droves and buy all our stuff up. I am not used to this at all. But I will take it. It keeps me busy. At my other job, it seemed there were days when it was so slow and boring. The ladies at the new place are absolutely wonderful. I am going to do something nice for them as they are so willing to help out when I need the help.

I sure hope that I am able to keep the job for next year. But its not up to me, its up to my company. I am not exactly employee of the year, and I am not good at scheduling myself for work. So I made a up a schedule for the next couple of weeks for my company. I have to figure June out.

Well, my tummy is hurting again. Going to lay down.

Lately, I have been trying to Go Green in my household. Like recycling, using more eco safe products and even changing my lightbulbs. I would love to find some LED Light Bulbs. It gives such a bright light that I simply love it. We did it with our Christmas lights last year, we specifically bought LEDs to also save energy. And hope our light bill would stay lower.

One thing I was looking at today while at the hardware store was landscaping lights but I don’t want the ones you have to plug in. I want the Solar ones. My Grandpa had a friend who knows a thing or two about Solar energy. The last time I was out there, or was it the time before. My Grandpa showed me how the Solar panels work that he has there and how it charges batteries. But the coolest thing is warming the water up using Solar. I thought that was really cool. In case you don’t know or what is involved with Solar Energy you should really look into it as someday it will be a very popular thing. It does actually save you energy in the end.

I got pretty much most of it done, that sidewalk that is. After all of the running around and getting stones, I am worn out. Yesterday actually wore my butt out. All the walking around at the Cub Scout camp, it was so much and I was so tired last night that I didn’t hear the gunshots that happened up here. My boyfriend heard them, he heard…pop, pop, pop,pop. And then like a minute or so later, a cop went flying by. Went up into our yard and everything.

I didn’t see anything on the news so evidentally it wasn’t something that was too important. But it was scary.

Well, not much else going on. I am ready for bed though.

I spent most of the day, trying to figure out my backyard. Between the garage and house there is a walkway. Well the concrete is all crooked, and they had bricks in there. I took them babies out, went and bought some 12X12 size ones and put them in there. Looks so much nicer. Also bought a few flowers, planted ONE so far. I am about to go put some mulch down. I want it to look pretty. I will take pics when I am done.

But I had to get up early and start getting ready for MALT today. Sad thing is I am not sure where its at, so I may need a travel guide once I make it out there. I have such a busy morning, I have to work for a couple of hours then run to Muscatine to pick up my Son then back to Loud Thunder Forest Preserve. I sure hope I can make it. I am stressing right now about it big time. I have a time frame, and right now its looking grim. And I have to tell myself not to speed. I do not need a ticket.

And I am not sure when I will make it home today/tonight. Hopefully today turns out good.