I feel as if someone beat the crap out of me.  Actually someone did.  Last night, around 1am.  I was abruptly awaken by my boyfriend making this weird a$$ noise.  Like he was either falling, or being stabbed.  So it scares me, wakes me up.   I shake him to wake him up, and he flops on me like a fish out of water, literally hitting my arm.  Talk about abuse…lol.  Just kidding, I know he was asleep when it happened.  So after he flopped on me, I kept saying…Mike, Mike and he would open his eyes and look at me, then fall right back to sleep.  He did that twice.    So finally I wake him up, and he’s doing nothing but laughing at me.

Ok….I am not the one that just sounded like he was hit in the gut or something.  I really thought something was wrong with him.  My Son sometimes has night terrors, and it scares me.  Out of the blue he will scream out.  Mom…Mom…and I will go in and he will be sitting up and asleep.  I will go sit with him, coax him into laying down.  All would be well for about 5 minutes then all of a sudden he will be standing in the middle of the room screaming out.    And if anyone knows, you cannot wake them up during an episode.  And what’s even scarier is I have to make sure all doors are extra secure and locked.   Because I am afraid he might go outside or something.

Well I think I am going to turn the TV, Computer and all the lights off.  I am tired.

Is the possibility of flooding in our area.  I chose to live on top of the hill no matter what, because common sense tells you that your safe.  But we all know that isn’t true.  I am a victim of living on top of a hill and getting flooded.  Well this was on our news channel.  The picture of the flooding reveals one of our Casinos on the Mississippi completely flooded around it.  I will never forget that flood, the workers who worked hard and were unable to make their paycheck went without all their pay.  It hurt alot of people, I am searching for other photos because it was absolutely devastating.

I already can’t believe that Spring Break is over with as of tomorrow.  YAY!!!!!!!  We just got done rearranging our living room.  It seems bigger now, and the windows are more opened up.  Its ok its actually better than before as it was plain jane room.  Now if I could only paint the room an actual color ya know?  But I can’t, its all white.  Maybe I can ask the landlord about painting it a off white color or something.  Well its been an off day for me, as I am completely worn out for some reason. 

Garage out tomorrow if the weather is halfway decent. I know I have a cat condo somewhere in there. And right now the kitties would enjoy having some type of scratching post. The kittens are at that point where they like to scratch things. I have to replace one of the door frames here soon, as it looks tacky being all scratched up. Plus out of respect for the landlord, and I know for sure that my cats didn’t do this it was the prior tenants cats that did. But he didn’t do a thorough inspection when he rented the house to me. Which kinda made me mad cause there are all kinds of things wrong. But I do take care of my stuff, and treat the house like it isn’t mine. I don’t know just living here makes me feel like I have to walk on eggshells all the time.

I already told the housing people I want out of here before next winter. The utility bill was just too darn high. $300 for one month is outrageous. Well, tired of sitting here for the time as we haven’t had dinner yet.

And I am sittin’ here uploading some pictures.  We went over to a friends house for a bit, then down to the Mighty Mississippi….took a couple of pictures.  My Son and I don’t get to spend alot of quality time together anymore, so today while we were out and about….just the two of us.  I noticed something.  I feel bad and I know he is getting older.  That things are going to start changing with him.  He has a little pimple on his nose.  Not sure if I should find any acne treatment just yet. As its only been a short time. I don’t want him going thru what I went thru and them horrendous pimples. Ahhh.

But back to spending time with my Son. Tomorrow we were supposed to go hiking with a Boy Scout troop but that isn’t gonna happen. His den leader never called me back. So I guess it will be my Son and I tomorrow. My boyfriend works all day. Yay!

I have been running all over this morning, trying to get information and turn papers in for my housing.   I will explain something here that I am embarassed by.  I live in housing where my rent is based on my income.  I am required by law to turn in all forms of income.    I do.  I have lived by this rule now for 4 years.  I am working on getting out of housing and living in a house of my own… AGAIN.  I say again because when I was married we bought a house together.  Never lived on public assistance…nothing.  I worked hard, no kids and paid my taxes.  Got divorced…ended up with having my Son, sole custody wise and trying to make it on my own.  I went back to school, started getting a great education, health problems arised and things went south.  Got back on track, ended up homeless for 2 years.  Not ashamed as I found out how hard life really is and how I appreciate the little things, and don’t take them for granted anymore.   THEN…my car accident during the time I was homeless and living with friends and family.  It took a toll on me, my family, friends and boyfriend.  But I managed.  We found a duplex…lived there for 3 years.  And after last july 4th, I can say it changed my life forever.  A simple rain caused my basement to flood 4 feet, due to the road construction in the area.  And thru legal issues, I can it was due to negligence.  NOT ON MY Part. 

Well now we are here in this house where we have add’l bills…like water bill and gas/lights.  Our last place had utilities included.   So this week we had a water that needed to be paid right away.  My phone/DSL was due to be shut off on Monday but thank goodness with my past payments made on my account helped me with making payments.    So now I have to pay $56 to keep my phone on. 

I am dying here.  I sure love Trace Adkins….oh yes I do but back in the day I used to like the BackStreet Boys.  Life changes…so of course I no longer listen to them.  Well tonight, there are a few demands that the BackStreet Boys are wanting.   Wheat Grass drink?…whatever they wanted and then one of them forgot their “nail” polish.  And its funny, wording how Trace said…simply cannot be worded correctly. 

“The world’s most heterosexual man and a 3 time boxing champion…buying nail polish…not for us, not for our wives but for a MAN!”   Totally priceless.

Waiting on a miracle.

But I am still taking tons of a pictures of my niece and nephews.  I have taken quite a bit this week.   I bought a macro kit for my camera last week that I love, LOVE.  I think tomorrow I am going to find objects, small objects and take tons of pictures.  I need lots of practive.  One person can never be good enough as a photographer.  I am actually browsing my flickr right now to get some ideas….  I love how people take pictures of paper clips, pennies, dimes, nickels.  But I have errands to run in the morning first thing.  Oops I forgot to do something….

We are having a thunderstorm.  OMG…I am so not used to that sound.  I should of known this morning when I didn’t see the sunshine that usually shines thru the blinds. Its okay to have the rain though.  The grass up here is pretty sad.    Oh well.  Rainy days are upon us, much better than snow.

Lately my life has been very depressing.  Let me share with you what has happened.  First I find out I am not being called back to work.  That was hard.  Because I have to be able to provide for my Son.  Just like ever other Single parent in this world.  Well, then my boyfriend loses his job, this was about a week ago.  Ok.  it was a good thing because he worked over an hour away and it was straining the gas issue a bit.  Well.  He finds a job right away so that helped.  But I am not making any money whatsoever which is why I am I am depressed.  Two days ago my Landlord calls me to inform me that the water will be shut off on Friday because I didn’t pay the bill.  Well the issue with that is, I never rec’d a bill.  Back when I moved in the landlord said he would call and have them send me a copy.  HE NEVER did.  So that right there put all the more stress into my life.  I don’t have the $124 for the bill.  I used up all my unemployment so that is all gone.  My Ex is finally back to work so who knows when child support will be in.  I   can’t depend on it.

With me trying to find work online and work for companies that I blog for.  I hope every single day that I get something.  Anything helps and yesterday it frustrated me seeing other people get loads a work and I don’t get anything.  I know these other people need the money as bad as I do and I am grateful to see them get it as well.  I am just being a whiney butt because my internet will probably be shut off on Monday because I am short in paying the bill.  I just got the DSL and having to pay for the modem made the bill higher.  So basically I need to get that balance paid and I will be good.  But…that isn’t gonna happen.  The money I am getting this week from one company is going to pay partial on that bill.  Its so hard to work for something and never see it.  Makes me sad…..I hate to share my problems with people…I really do.   But I want people to know….I am no better than anyone else and life really sucks right now.

Now get this…I had a dream two nights ago.

It started out with me and my Son.  We had to cross a bridge.  With no railings and the water was up to the edge of the “brick” sidewalk.    I kept telling my Son don’t get too close to the edge otherwise we will drown.  Then the dream jumped to being in the back seat of my Mom and Dad’s blazer.  But the blazer had no top…convertible.  And we were by the river and my Dad has always been a go getter, adventurous type.  We drive down into the mud, we all get dirty but we are bouncing all over the place.  And yet I have this anger against my Dad for putting us at risk.  And this is also by the same river as above.  But see this place had ice chunks and he drives over them too.

Is my dream telling me that I am afraid of drowning, like being worried about my bills?  I think that is what my dream was trying to tell me.

**WARNING**  I’ve been on the warpath with bad eBay sellers.  I’ve had not one but two in a row.,  I have a dispute in with one because they done pissed me off.  You don’t send someone the wrong part and expect them to pay for the return shipping.  Then after numerous emails of them asking for pictures….and I send them numerous times.  Then try to make it sound like I am an idiot.  THEN I call the guy sounds like he’s doing drugs or something.  Has no clue what is going on.  Never asks for my name, auction number….NO you don’t do that.  I just want my money back.  I mailed the wrong part back….I don’t have a use for a Panasonic part for my Sony.  Duh!!!  The other seller was great and refunded me back the difference in shipping.  The auction said priority and they sent it first class.  Its over a $2 difference.  Don’t mess with me and money.

I guess I am just sick and tired of businesses taking advantage of people.